In every ground war fought since the beginning of time, combatants expended tremendous effort in scouting the land they were to fight on. As a general rule, commanders sought the high ground on a battlefield, however this consideration wasn’t necessarily important. A copse of trees, trenches and structure also figured into the battle plan. Knowing the ground was vital.
When I entered the Highway Patrol academy some 50 years ago, one of our first academic exercises was to memorize the 114 counties in Missouri, the county seats and the major road intersections in each county. The exam consisted of a blank map and you filled in the aforementioned information. This seemed like more of test of one’s ability to retain information than a matter of practicality. I was wrong, as it became an invaluable bit of information in your road career, as an unfathomable number of motorists were hopelessly lost, having no idea where they were going or how to get there. We also distributed thousands of Missouri roadmaps to these folks, in an effort to encourage research and independence while traveling. A good number of folks in this predicament were amazed at our knowledge of Missouri history and geography. We knew our “ground”.
We were shirkers, as compared to the folks who assemble groceries for the lazy folks who see no need to peruse the local Wal-Mart or Sam’s club. You know precisely what I’m talking about if you have ever looked for something on a super sized grocery’s shelves. These “shoppers” are responding to an uber busy society’s quest for efficiency at the expense of folks who will fill a cart for them and meet them at the door to load the goods into their cars, or folks who would rather sit on the porch chewing on a straw and talking to an old dog.
These “shoppers” are flat out amazing. Their ability to locate a particular brand of avocado oil or some exotic canned bait, excuse me, I meant to say seafood, is incredible. They can fly down aisles at breakneck speed, loading their carts on the roll and manage to not run over the little old ladies with their “support” dogs, cats or lizards as the case may be. If you are stumped and cannot find something, ask them. They will know which aisle, which side of said aisle, and the particular shelf the product is on.They are walking directories, and on good days, will also provide information as to how many cans of mushroom soup are left on the shelf. They also rely on their cellphones, carefully programed to back them up in a pinch. At Wal-Mart, they also will not accept tips, carefully declining the offer no matter how enticing or veiled it might be. These shoppers know their ground.
The trade off? This strategy kills impulse buying, which constitutes about a third of our cart on any given day. Next up is fresh meat. Shoppers do not carefully sort through dozens of packages of bacon, looking for the slab with some actual meat on it. You’re going to get the first thing their highly sensitive hands touch. You also want to be extra careful about which bread you want as well as be willing to accept some pretty sorry produce as they must have been instructed to grab the stuff in the front of the case, condition be damned. (I am the Johnson Compound produce authority, having lived out of a big garden while growing up in South Carolina.) You will also loose sight of the latest trends in pajamas, currently the wardrobe du’jour in our grocery stores.
Sam’s Club, another grocery epicenter, is equally efficient, except the orders often fill a big commodities cart, since an order for a box of cereal will net you about a hundred pounds of the stuff, wrapped in cellophane. Is it any wonder that third world countries hate us? They fight for a cup of goat’s milk and scrap of bread like substance and we have hundreds of dollars worth of groceries deposited for us in our late model family hauler.
Have a great week! It is time for serious football and the latest killer snacks while the wind blows colder than ever.
SR
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