Number 392……..

This story is about twisted revenge. It involves license offices, which may be disturbing to some people.

I have a history with the inefficiency of license offices, not pretty but colorful. You go there to be disrespected, scorned and challenged by clerks who are apparently recent graduates of a 30 minute training session that earns you a degree in advanced provocation. If I live long enough, I will see a Governor appoint a Director of Revenue not as a political favor but instead to increase efficiency and a sense of public service. Hear me out.

Yesterday, I strolled into a local fee office to renew my Real ID driver’s license. I needed two items that displayed my home address and either the post card from Revenue or my still valid driver’s license. See the irony here? The actual license or the post card is one form of ID and then something else, but you can’t use both. Separately, they are fine, together not so much. I felt the urge for a shot of Irish Whiskey beginning to overtake my sense of fair play. Long story short, I had my registration certificate, and half a dozen other items with my home address, but not the magic document. I left, drove home and cleaned out my files grabbing a handful of documents. I was civil but pointed when exiting the office, and thought I had better try another location. At location #2 I breezed into a room full of people waiting with their number in hand, obtained my number and sat down. I quickly surmised I was number 11 in line for the single clerk working the driver’s license folks. Cue a second shot of Shanky’s Irish Whiskey. The clerk would have rather been in hell than working his/her job ( I’m pretty good at sexing folks, but here had no clue). I talked a bit with a nice couple who seemed to have been waiting for half a day, decided I was not going to wait and stood to leave. A second Gentleman, who had been home twice for documents, was waiting to obtain a title for a truck. The first gentleman stopped me and offered me a ticket that would make me second in line for the clerk. I was puzzled. He told me he always takes two tickets and offers one to pregnant ladies or folks who were exasperated. He had me nailed, as exasperation was written all over my face. (It is why I am not a poker player, my emotion is always on display). I took the damned number, was called up next after them, and made the transaction. The clerk had little interest in my supporting documents and suggested the card and license was really what told the story.

Situational reasoning skill set in. There were countless folks who had been cooling their heels for the better part of an hour, in walks this jean clad old man, barely sits down and is already on his way. As I walked out, I felt the stares, and could hear the murmurs of “how in the hell did he do that” rippling through the crowd. I became a little unhinged when I heard a lady suggest that I must be a local politician. That hurt as I have never been so scorned or accused. Somehow, I ran the gauntlet and made it out alive.

My original number was 403 and providence stepped in and reduced it to 392. After all, I had spent the better part of the day working to renew a license that I went through hell to get in the first place after my birth certificate had been rejected by another office who had never seen one that looked like it (I was born in Japan, US parents, a grave misfortune in the birth certificate world) That fiasco required a call to my Representative, who called the Director of Revenue, who then called the fee office and my license was issued.

License offices are the subject of much ridicule and the basis for thousands of comedic skits every day. I am not proud of jumping the line…..but, in my defense, had no whiskey or a Rx to help me through the experience. My final word…..the detached, bored, irritated, challenging reputation that license offices endure are…….well, deserved in many circumstances. The rules that Revenue promulgate defy logic but they are the only game in town. Finally, the two ticket trick is humorous….and has been welcomed by pregnant ladies and now, an old man tired of bureaucracy. Would you take the ticket……? 😉

Have a great week!

SR