At 74 YOA, you would think I could be trusted to go out in the world and buy a dozen doughnuts, or God forbid, a washer and dryer. It turns out that I am woefully unqualified for either endeavor, having failed to grasp the nuances of venturing forth in the retail world. These things become apparent when an ordinary buyer, me, marries a consummate shopper, Sharon. I have been schooled, but sincerely doubt I’ll meet the standards for membership in the exclusive group of folks who strike fear in the best sales representatives out there. Let me explain.
A week or so ago, in our quest to sample the table fares of eateries in Springfield, we hit a little eatery that was, well dismal. We saddled up, and decided on a doughnut to assuage our hunger. I was driving and slid comfortably in the drive through at a local Krispy Kreme. Then the wheels, so to speak, fell off. I thought a half dozen doughnuts with a single creme filled kicker, ought to do the job for Taz, Sharon and me. If you are up to speed at this point, you are a buyer, not a shopper. Between the ordering kiosk and the window, I learned that I had botched this entire experience up. I learned that if you order a dozen instead of merely 6, your next visit would net you a free dozen. Who would have thought it. I also learned the deal was for glazed and the creme filled kicker killed the deal, unless ordered in addition to the dozen not in place of one of the dozen. I next learned the creme filled was not what I wanted, rather I wanted a Bavarian Creme filled. Finally, the cost of 6 of the cursed things was just a few bucks less than a dozen, which Sharon earmarked 6 for our neighbors who liked doughnuts. If I am able shake this experience off, I am going to ask my attorney to go with me the next time I have a hankering for a doughnut.
Shaken, but not undaunted, Sharon and I ventured out to buy a washer and dryer to replace the 10 year old machines that had served us well, but were exhibiting signs of imminent failure, ready for washing machine hospice. I thought that learning to fly was challenging but it is nothing compared to selecting a new washer. Sharon, again, was well ahead of the curve in her research, schooling me on the differences between impellers and agitators with a subtle reference to hybrids, reflecting both features at once. Next I was schooled on the merits and demerits of top load vs. front load, and now can carry forth with the best washer salesmen (women) out there. Finally, I can cite facts and figures from a number of reputable sources as to the performance, reputation and serviceability of the major brands on the market. I was ready to write the check after the first of 6 stops in Springfield, which would have been a critical error. Sharon, with her research and study of no less than 10 reviews, telephoning of friends and relatives literally all over the country, was focused, leaving me feeling like the guy tossing balls at Bozo the clown at the State fair. She finally settled on exactly what she wanted and Costco will be delivering it next week.
It is always this way. I am a buyer, a mark to even the most inexperienced sales staff out there. My union with a professional shopper has saved me from the blissful, challenged man at home choking down the wrong kind of doughnut while his new washer clangs around, using too much water and not deep cleaning as some of the newer technology does. The washer would have been too small to knock out a comforter and Tazzy’s blankets and certainly would have been configured incorrectly.
I am a buyer in remission. She is my perfect companion, with her deft ability to steer me away from dreaded buyers remorse, likely a fatal malady at my advanced age. God bless you kiddo and stay close. I appreciate your allowing me to buy guns, boats and tools….although experience has taught me to run even these things by you!
Have a great week!
SR
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