Pool Rules…..

Carnival Cruise lines has warned their guests that one needs to be careful what kind of swimming attire is appropriate for some of their ports of call. Monokinis, string thongs, and manikinis is are frowned upon. Forgive me, but we decided that before the summer season starts rolling, our pool needs rules. After all, we are first time pool people. Bear with me.

1. No running unless you are wearing a hockey helmet and non slip combat boots. If you fall and cut yourself, bleed on the lawn, not in the pool.
2. Swim at your own risk, your lifeguard is easily distracted.
3. Uttering “hold my beer” or “hey y’all watch this” is prohibited.
4. If inebriated, kindly throw up on the lawn and not in the water.
5. We are old, skinny dipping when we are cold sober is prohibited. We do not have a defibrillator. We do have a privacy fence, but our neighbors have ladders. You’ll end up on YouTube.
6. Deck chairs are not pool toys.
7. Our pool does not exist for us to care for your spawn from Satan kids.
8. Men need to remember that “my God she is only 14” needs to be understood.
9. We have swim wear rules too. String bikinis are prohibited if you are over 50. Men of all ages are prohibited from wearing banana hammocks. Your gift from God is your business not our guests.
10. If you have open sores, lacerations or loose bowels, please go to the Urgent care and forgo a day in our pool.
11. We provide red solo cups for you and us to enjoy your beverages of choice that you have brought. (Don’t forget ice)
12. Kai, our pool dog, lifeguard and companion will join you in the pool at his convenience. Do not give him alcohol.
13. Bring food. We love wings and pizza. Grandmas casseroles, soup and funeral potatoes are discouraged.
14. If you have no idea whether or not you are a man or woman, stop by, we’ll provide a map to the James River where you can swim too!

There you have it. Bring cold beer, pizza or a tub of wings, leave the kids with a sitter (unless really good kids) and come on. (Bring a chew toy for the lifeguard) Call first, I’ll have to wake the lifeguard!

Pool Administrator