The Police Service in America is pleased to offer an incredible employment opportunity to uniquely qualified candidates in the exciting world of law enforcement. Many vacancies are occurring daily on an accelerated basis. Do you seek excitement? What could be more exciting than a chief or Mayor willing to throw you under the first bus that comes along? Soon, if the Biden Cartel can swing it, we’ll strip you of any qualified immunity you may have so you can subject your family to financial ruin! How good is that! We’ll train you how to dodge bricks and cower in your patrol car as “protesters” dance on the roof and hood, hurling obscenities, all in the name of “woke” philosophy. We will train you in managing confrontation and then dare you to use that training. We will expect miracles but pay little as you pursue your dynamic career to the top of the ladder where you, too, can trash your subordinate officers! Sign up today. It is the perfect place to gain “experience” while waiting for FedEx or UPS to call.
First you must have the patience of Jobe. It helps to be educated, but an education may be problematic when you realize how much fun you are having. (See above). It might tempt you to leave for a sane occupation. You must be devoid of emotion, and have little self respect when confronted by an imbecile displaying the middle finger and spitting in your face. Situational reasoning ability garners preference points, but not too many….see note on other professions above. If you are required to use force, you must be able to discern between force applied to a dark skinned person as opposed to a white person. Finally, when a gun or knife comes out, you must be able to contain your adrenaline rush and give the assailant the first shot or slash.
This position may subject you to the unspeakable horror and violence that a human can subject another human to. You will be expected to show no emotion when a child is butchered and you are tasked with figuring out what happened. You will be required to remove parts of bodies from accident scenes and provide comfort to grieving family members when tragedy strikes. You will see, smell and taste death in ways that will never be unseen. You will be expected to remain neutral when thugs and terror organizations such as BLM burn down your city. You may be tasked with providing security for the spineless Mayor who refuses to intervene out of political expediency, when a city block is co-opted for thug use. You must be ready as the one officer in twenty-five who has never fired a shot, on duty, in his career, to go from counseling a little old lady on the dangers of rolling through stop signs to taking the life of a sociopath hell bent on committing a mass murder. You will be expected to smile at stupidity, human frailty, and the dark side of life. You will be expected to take no exception when the Vice-President bails out the thugs who spit in your face just a few days before. When society vomits, you will be there.
We handle everything. We will introduce you to the force continuum, a police response to the management of confrontation. There are 5 steps in this continuum, from police presence to lethal force. We will not let you use it though. Empty hand forced compliance, such as a properly applied Lateral Vascular Neck Restraint is out….it looks too much like a choke hold. We will train you to duck while being shot at so that you may ascertain the color of the assailant and respond accordingly, before you shoot back. We’ll even teach you to handcuff a combative person you have on the ground without holding him down (as soon as we figure this out). We will train you to gently use calming techniques when engaging a drunk maniac before you escalate to the nasty hands on control techniques. We will bring in Hollywood producers to coach you on proper smile technique and how to pose when you are making an arrest, so that any one of the hundred or so cell phone cameras catches your gentle application of pressure on an arrestee. We will turn you into a gentleman or gentlewoman who always calls a thug sir and and a street walker ma’am.You will learn to smile and thank them for calling your mother a cur that lives under a porch. We will also train you on funeral etiquette when attending an officer’s line of duty death service. We will help you find that line between love and lethality and teach what is at stake when you cross it.
There are 322,526,757 folks in America and about 700,000 sworn officers and counting (backwards). Add the Biden Cartel’s additional numbers of voting citizens who are coming across our southern border, many of them criminals, and the police have their work cut out for them. On average, our police officers, in an enforcement action, contact citizens 53,000,000 time a year. The percentage of these contacts that turns fatal is less than .000019%. The number of black folks killed constitutes .000004% of all police encounters.
We need to be very careful with this notion of “police reform” All the training in this world will not solve the reality that force is a necessary tool for societal conformity. Who do you want to provide that force, your neighbor who watches “CHIPS” or an officer who understands the game? The media and the Biden Cartel control the message today, and they are both incredibly out of step with reality. We cannot capitulate to the corrupt media and woke, far left mentality. Hear me, the police profession is not the home of systemic racism. When I hear “defund” and “police reform”, I become nauseas. I have tried to describe what the profession is coming to. If you object to the emasculation of policing, tell someone who is in a position to do something about it, before it is too late. Otherwise, buy a gun. You are going to need it.
Have a great weekend.