The Ozark Riviera…

an ozark bluff

I awoke this morning with a powerful urge to hop on the pontoon and yacht to a favorite waterfront hamburger establishment for a thick, juicy burger, fries and a light beer……I am guessing that 11 degrees and a brisk north wind has the burger joints shut down so I’ll settle for a cup of coffee in front of the fire.  That is life on the Ozark Riviera……my Neanderthal urges were likely the result of watching the KC Chiefs work their magic yesterday.

I feel sorry for the folks who are dealing with life on the other Riviera….the one over by St. Moritz, right close to St. Tropez.  What do they have to look forward to?  They will awaken looking out over spindly olive trees, with little woodsmoke as opposed to mighty oaks and the friendly smell of a hardwood fire.  It rarely frosts there, with an average low in January of 42 degrees.  Their average high temperature, in August, is 83 degrees……..boring!

While we enjoy a hearty dinner of fried chicken, maybe ribs and pulled pork or pan fried catfish, they are thinking about eating bait…..stuff like squid, snails and lots of vegetables.  To really spice it up, they will poach, POACH a fish to enjoy with a handful of nuts and more vegetables.

They are a snobby lot, thinking they have the market on tourism cornered, what with 14 million or so visitors annually…..nothing compared to a holiday here on our Riviera when St. Louis, Kansas City, most of Illinois and half of Iowa show up.  They know nothing of testosterone, too busy with trimming the sails and puttering about drinking delicate glasses of wine on their cute little sailboats …..we know horsepower, cold beer and ear splitting exhaust……

They have their Grimaldi Castle, we have Ha Ha Tonka, they have the Prince of Wales (their schools can’t be much, it is WHALE not wale) we have our Prince of Crappie ( rumored to be Ralph Biele).  They have their delicate little seaside cafes, we have the Olean Testicle Festival……

Relatively few are fortunate enough to experience life on the Ozark Riviera and Ozark Americans are among the most genuine folks on this earth.  It is up to 12 degrees now, time for the Ozark Diet’s staple start….biscuits and gravy!



2 thoughts on “The Ozark Riviera…

  1. The editing department failed big this morning…..apologies to all. Unlike the author who enjoys this damnable cold, I tend to be a bit sluggish. As for the boring temps between 42 and 83…..bring ’em on, baby!!!


  2. I agree wholeheartedly with you. While the riviera is beautiful it lacks the seasonal differences that we experience here. That being said I think the burger Establishments might find that there are quite a few hardy souls the would venture out into the harsh elements to frequent their humble abodes if they would stay open during the winter.
    I for one am still wearing shorts and flip flops today.

    Happy sailing to you good sir.


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